"I Can't Do Anything About It!"
The other night, my six year old daughter burst into tears telling me the kids at school were calling her a bully. Of course we talked about it and I got her version of events and tried to comfort and teach her as best I could. But I know my girl well enough to know that when she gets angry, bullying is something she's easily capable of doing. My real questions were for her teacher.
The next day when I picked my kids up from school, I hunted that teacher down. Now, this is a very nice lady who has taught two of my children. They both love her and she's done a fine job, but she's hard to talk to. She doesn't make eye contact, and acts like she wants the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. Maybe that's just how she is with me, though.
Whatever the case, I found her and explained what had happened. Before I could ask her my burning question, however, she hit me with a five-minute explanation of how there were only two weeks left in the school year and that's what kids are like and how she just can't do anything about it in so short a time. She was clearly frustrated with the kids in her class (who are particularly vicious this year, she says) and she seemed to think I wanted her to make my daughter feel happy again. She seemed a little afraid of what I would do if she didn't. I sensed years and years of pent-up frustration behind that display.
I wanted to take this near-elderly woman by the shoulders and say, "Listen! I don't expect you do anything about it! That's my job! I just want to know what she's doing!"
I ended up finding out what I wanted, but the whole experience was rather startling. Do our teachers really feel like parents expect them to be solely responsible for the conduct and happiness of their children? Do parents really have that idea? Is this an "I feed them and clothe them, you take care of the rest" parenting culture we've developed? I was influenced by plenty of teachers in my life, but I learned good behavior from my mom and dad, along with many other things. Don't parents realize anymore that they are the most important teachers in their children's lives?
The next day when I picked my kids up from school, I hunted that teacher down. Now, this is a very nice lady who has taught two of my children. They both love her and she's done a fine job, but she's hard to talk to. She doesn't make eye contact, and acts like she wants the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. Maybe that's just how she is with me, though.
Whatever the case, I found her and explained what had happened. Before I could ask her my burning question, however, she hit me with a five-minute explanation of how there were only two weeks left in the school year and that's what kids are like and how she just can't do anything about it in so short a time. She was clearly frustrated with the kids in her class (who are particularly vicious this year, she says) and she seemed to think I wanted her to make my daughter feel happy again. She seemed a little afraid of what I would do if she didn't. I sensed years and years of pent-up frustration behind that display.
I wanted to take this near-elderly woman by the shoulders and say, "Listen! I don't expect you do anything about it! That's my job! I just want to know what she's doing!"
I ended up finding out what I wanted, but the whole experience was rather startling. Do our teachers really feel like parents expect them to be solely responsible for the conduct and happiness of their children? Do parents really have that idea? Is this an "I feed them and clothe them, you take care of the rest" parenting culture we've developed? I was influenced by plenty of teachers in my life, but I learned good behavior from my mom and dad, along with many other things. Don't parents realize anymore that they are the most important teachers in their children's lives?
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