Three Rules for Fatherhood

This is my three-year old daughter, Millie.

I've been a father for over four years now, and I'm not even close to figuiring things out, but I think Millie understands how I should do it better than I do. Here's why:

A few days ago we were having our nightly scripture study. We're learning the Articles of Faith, and we're currently on number five, which reads,

"We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof."

My family has been studying this scripture for a few days, and we've already covered what the laying on of hands means. My two oldest girls particularly connected with this, as they've both witnessed and experienced the Priesthood in action in our home.

Accordingly, when we reached this line in our recitation, Millie immediately put her hands atop her own head to show that she was following what was going on. They look forward to that part every time.

Millie is also learning the days of the week, so immediately after we'd finished reciting, she said, "Daddy, on Sunday I want you to lay your hands on my head!"

It was already Sunday, but she was talking about the coming one.

I told her what a great idea that was, and promised I would write it down so I would remember (promise kept). Then she said, "After you lay your hands on me, we should play together!"

I told her that we could do it.

She struggled with phrasing the next request correctly, but after some time she came up with the idea that we should "have a talk" before I laid my hands on her, then I should lay my hands on her, then we should play. This was her plan for the day's activities.

I should point out that in saying, "have a talk," she meant a one-on-one talk that I'm trying to get in the habit of having with each of my children every Sunday. I bring them into a private room and we talk about whatever they care about, then I ask them what they need, what they like, and what they want to try to do better. Millie has answered the last question with everthing from "Sleeping Beauty" to "syntax." I kid you not.

So, where am I going with this? Here. Millie knows how to be a father better than I do. I often get caught up in supplying things to my children. With all the things required for temporal existence, it's easy to do. What Millie reminded me of, is that my children need more than a supplier. They need a provider.

What's the difference? A supplier deals in things, while a provider deals in people. Anyone can be a supplier. The role of provider is best filled by a father, because it is one of the father's main functions (the "preside, provide, protect" idea that you've probably heard before really appeals to me as a catchy encapsulation of a father's responsibilities).

To truly provide for my family, I need to do the things Millie said in addition to supplying temporal goods.

First, I need to have valuable communication with my wife and children, taking time to listen to what they have to say and trying to understand their needs, interests, desires, and so forth.

Second, I need to use the access to divine power that the Priesthood grants to bless my family. I should remember that I'm not the only father who can lay claim to them, and seek the active involvement of that better Father regularly. He should be as much mentor to me as to them. Through Him, I can provide things that are available from no other source.

Finally, I need to enjoy being with my family. I should take the time to play with my kids and court my wife. I tend to shy away from the word "fun" because of the connotations of irresponsibility and light-mindedness that it can carry with it, but sometimes we truly need to have fun in order to truly have joy. We need to devote time to just being together, without too much structure or too many rules. We especially need to keep the childlike, joyful spirit alive in our hearts.

So these are the three rules for fatherhood that my three-year-old dautghter taught me. By the way, she would love the repetition of the threes. Here they are:

1. Communicate
2. Bless
3. Play