Thanks, Dad.

This is it. My last day. After today, life as I know it changes forever.

I used to build fences for a living. It was hard work - digging holes, pouring concrete, setting posts, putting things together. It kept me in shape, but that was about it. Then one day my dad came to me and said he needed help in his department at work. He offered me a job working with him, and I took it. that was about eight years ago.

I'll never forget the experience of working with my dad. I gained so many things from that, and I'm grateful to have had the chance. My dad and I never had much in common when I was a kid, but I feel like now that's changed. Now we're friends. I've gained an appreciation for just how good a man my father is, and I've gotten to know him in ways I never could have guessed. It's been such a blessing in my life.

But working for him was different from what I expected. On my first day he told me something I'd guess most people don't hear from their bosses: he told me to get a new job as soon as I could. He told me how he'd worked in that business for decades, and it wasn't a place to be, especially not with a family. He wanted me there, but he also wanted me out. If you're a father, you'll probably understand that sentiment. It's that old dream of your kids having a better life than you did.

Well, I have a family. Moreover, I remember growing up and how much my dad hated his job. I remember how that impacted all of us. So I tried to take my dad's advice and not stop looking for something better. It was only a temporary stop. A step up on the way to something better.

Like I said, that step has taken roughly eight years to move beyond. It's been hard. I've been working nights. I've been making a killer commute - 2 hours by bus each way. I've been picking up side work and part time jobs and any little thing I could to add to a wage that, no matter which way you sliced it, just wasn't enough for a growing family, not by a long shot. I've been in school. I've had more kids. Home after midnight every night. Up before six many days. Barely surviving the time in between. Working weekends, too. Frequently sick. Endless job applications. Family events. Occasional interviews, nothing ever quite working out. Student loans. Mortgage. More school. More kids. Family crises. Injuries. Church responsibilities. More school. More applications. Travel. More kids. No more interviews. So tired, all the time. So hard just to keep hoping. I've been playing the craziest balancing game of my life, never really knowing how one foot was going to come down in relation to the other. I never would have made it without the anchor provided by my wife. I can't describe all the times we prayed, and cried, and planned, and talked about things, just trying to have faith that it wouldn't go on like this forever.

Then almost a year ago some things started happening. I had gone to Morgan to do a small side job. Not much money - barely enough to cover my expenses. It was for my best client, so I didn't complain. Unexpectedly, I made a friend there. A drama teacher. A few months later that friend got a new job at a school near my house. He was teaching a film class in addition to theatre, and he didn't know anything about the technological side. I do. He asked me to come help him out a few times. I said yes.

I got to the school and I fell in love with it. I'd always wanted to be a teacher in my younger years. This was a charter school; I didn't need a teaching license to get hired. My friend said he thought he could get me on. So I started doing more. I went beyond the five weeks I'd agreed to help with and started teaching there every week. I made promotional videos for the fundraiser gala. I helped the principal with his end-of-year evaluations. I subbed for a whole week straight - without taking time off from my other job. I did lighting and sound for the school musical. I did everything I could to impress people. I asked the principal for a job. A miracle happened. He said yes.

Now, for the first time in my life, I find myself in possession of a job directly related to my career goals. It's a job I want. I set my sights on it, and I got it. It's not just the first thing I could find. It's only another step on the path to where I want to ultimately be, but it's an intentional step. It actively improves my family's situation, rather than just prolonging it. No more deadly commute. No more weeks on end without seeing my children awake. Better money. Better hours. Summer vacation. The kind of work I care about and enjoy. It's a job I'm actually excited to be doing. It feels good.

This is the day that I've been looking forward to for the last eight years especially, but really for much longer than that. Right now, I have that exhilarating feeling of being on the edge of something, about to go over. When I leave work tonight, I'm leaving behind a whole lot more than just a set of keys. It's really hard to think of a single thing about my life that will not be dramatically impacted by the changes that happen starting tomorrow.

As I sit here on the final morning before my final bus ride to my final shift at the job I've had for the past eight years, I'm thinking of you, Dad. I'm thinking of all the sacrifices you made when I was growing up and how I understand that so much better now. The times you were tired, or frustrated, or angry, or unintentionally hurt our feelings, I forgive you for because now I get it. You really were doing your best, and you did well, in spite of everything.

You used to tell me how you'd been where I was, so you could relate. Now I can say the same to you. I've been there. Not for as long as you, and not in every way, but I've been there now, and now I understand why you wanted something more for me and for all of us. I want that too, and I'm grateful for your help. You told me on the first day I started working for you to get out of that job as soon as I could. You never would have forced me out, because you loved working with me. I loved working with you, though I didn't always show it. But you wanted me to do more: to take a different path.

That was harder than I ever imagined, but I just wanted you to know that with your help, I did it. I did it, Dad. Starting tomorrow, life gets better. And I just can't thank you enough.

Magdalene Cover Makes the Finals!

Hey, friends. So you might have heard that one of my book covers is a finalist in LDS Publisher's 2011 book cover design contest. I'm super excited about this, as it was a totally unexpected development. The cover is for a book called Magdalene by Moriah Jovan. It was actually the first cover I ever designed, and the collaborative process that took place with the editor and author is one of my favorite professional experiences ever.
I'd like to take this opportunity to invite you all out to vote by following this link. I'm a little behind in the polls currently, but it's definitely close enough that a win is still possible. While winning would be incredible, I'd really like to do it on merit, so please vote for the cover you think is best.

Thanks so much for your participation!

Personal Revelation and the Two-Edged Sword

These are my notes from my Elders Quorum lesson today. They're kind of half-baked, since I got the assignment last night and had to change my topic this morning (the original topic I picked was already assigned for a lesson two weeks from now). I didn't use everything here, and I did use some things that are not here. Still, draw from this what you will. The formatting is funny because I just copied and pasted this from Word.

Personal Revelation

EQ Lesson 7/3/11

My thoughts are not your thoughts

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my ^athoughts are not ^byour thoughts, neither are your^cways my ^dways, saith the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ^aways^bhigher than your ways, and my ^cthoughts than your thoughts.

The necessity of Revelation to guide our path

1 Nephi 8:19-20

And I beheld a ^arod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.

 And I also beheld a ^astrait and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood; and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a ^bworld.

1 Nephi 11:25

And it came to pass that I beheld that the ^arod of iron, which my father had seen, was the ^bword of God, which ^cled to the fountain of ^dliving waters, or to the ^etree of life; which waters are a representation of the love of God; and I also beheld that the tree of life was a representation of the love of God.

1 Nephi 12:17

And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.

Instead of a schoolmaster, like the Law of Moses, we have an iron rod to guide our steps. There are many good things in the world that lie off the path, and often Satan tempts us after them. This is how we get into broad roads. Broad roads can be traveled by many. They often allow faster and freer movement, but they are much more dangerous, and lead many places, none of which we really want to end up at. Broad roads are places where many people can all walk side by side, arm in arm, straight to hell. Or they can each choose their own personal exit to whichever form of damnation serves them best. The straight path is also narrow: a single-file line in which travelers can encourage those ahead of and behind them, but cannot safely relax their grip on the iron rod – not even to prevent the fall of another. We must be more devoted to maintaining our hold on the rod than to any of the other travelers on the path.

Proof of that:

Matthew 10:34-37

Think not that I am come to send ^apeace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

 And a man’s ^afoes shall be they of his own ^bhousehold.

 He that ^aloveth father or mother ^bmore than me is not worthy of me: and he that ^cloveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

So what is the sword that Christ has sent? It has two edges, and, like the iron rod, is called revelation, or the word of God.

The Sword of the Spirit – Having the spirit is the same thing as having the word of God: or revelation.

Ephesians 6:17

And take the helmet of ^asalvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Pierce them to their very soul

Jacob 2:35

35 Behold, ye have done greater iniquities than the Lamanites, our brethren. Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you. And because of the strictness of the word of God, which cometh down against you, many hearts died, pierced with deep wounds.

3 Nephi 11:3

3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

Two-edged Sword

Hebrews 4:12

For the ^aword of God is ^bquick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged ^csword, ^dpiercing even to the dividing asunder ^eofsoul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a ^fdiscerner of the ^gthoughts and ^hintents of the heart.

Doctrine and Covenants 33:1

Behold, I say unto you, my servants Ezra and Northrop, open ye your ears and hearken to the voice of the Lord your God, whose word is quick and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword, to the dividing asunder of the joints and marrow, soul and spirit; and is a discerner ofthe thoughts and intents of the heart.

Reveleation 2:12

And to the angel of the church in Pergamos write; These things saith he which hath the sharp ^asword with two edges;

What are the two edges of the sword?

Justice

3 Nephi 29:4

And when ye shall see these sayings coming forth among you, then ye need not any longer spurn at the doings of the Lord, for the swordof his justice is in his right hand; and behold, at that day, if ye shall spurn at his doings he will cause that it shall soon overtake you.

If justice is one edge of the sword, what do you suppose the other is?

Mercy

When the sword of justice is hanging over the people, what is the other edge of the sword doing? It is pointing the other way. We want to be on that side of the sword. In fencing this is called the “true edge,” or the edge of the sword that faces the direction of the cut. If the true edge of justice destroys us, then the opposite edge, or mercy, spares us from the wrath of God. Justice cuts us off from God. Mercy cuts us off from the world. In other words, when we are on the merciful side of the sword of Justice, we are made separate from the world. Nephi’s interpretation of his father’s dream bears this out:

1 Nephi 12:18

And the large and spacious building, which thy father saw, is vain imaginations and the pride of the children of men. And a great and a terrible gulf divideth them; yea, even the word of the justice of the Eternal God, and the Messiah who is the Lamb of God, of whom the Holy Ghost beareth record, from the beginning of the world until this time, and from this time henceforth and forever.

The Sum of the Matter

Joseph Smith:

Our heavenly Father is more liberal in His views, and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are ready to believe or receive; and, at the same time, is more terrible to the workers of iniquity, more awful in the executions of His punishments, and more ready to detect every false way, than we are apt to suppose Him to be. He will be inquired of by His children. He says, "Ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find;" but, if you will take that which is not your own, or which I have not given you, you shall be rewarded according to your deeds; but no good thing will I withhold from them who walk uprightly before me, and do my will in all things--who will listen to my voice and to the voice of my servant whom I have sent; for I delight in those who seek diligently to know my precepts, and abide by the law of my kingdom; for all things shall be made known unto them in mine own due time, and in the end they shall have joy. (Aug. 27, 1842.) DHC 5:134-136.

Questions:

How do we make sure we can continually receive revelation?

What is the value of personal revelation and what is its scope?

What forms can revelation take?

How does revelation help us as Priesthood holders, husbands, fathers, sons, etc?

What role does prayer take in the process of personal revelation?

A Phan-tastic Observation

For some reason I watched The Phantom recently, and there was this line about how the Phantom is sworn to fight cruelty, greed, and piracy in all its forms. I can't help but think that his job has gotten a lot more complicated since the advent of the Internet.

I'm just saying.

Nun

Give Them Meat

Today in Sacrament Meeting my ward's Young Women reported on their experiences at Girl's Camp. These kinds of programs used to bother me. I mean, it's twenty or so teenage girls all getting up saying the same thing, but trying to make it sound different. I've never doubted that the girls mean what they say, but they sometimes seem not to know what to say after the third or fourth speaker. Some of the two-minute talks are enjoyable - even inspiring - but by and large it used to feel to me like a huge inside joke minus the humor. You kind of had to be there to get it.

Then I realized that the purpose of doing this was not just tradition, but to cement in the girls' minds, in a real-life setting, the lessons they had learned while in a very unrealistic environment. The purpose was to take those tear-inducing tweaks to testimony and turn them into something more enduring: a firm commitment to meaningfully change something .

Of course, that didn't give the meetings any more variety, but it made them easier to approach and learn from myself.

So that brings us back to today. All the Young Women got up and testified. Then they sang (of course). Then the leaders spoke. This is generally the best part of these meetings for me. The adults have more time and talk about things that most likely wouldn't occur to the youth. They also are better at articulating the same things the girls all fumbled tearfully through and at making them meaningful for the whole congregation. There are still plenty of tears, but they come from broader experience, and so are easier to relate to for me. After all, I've never been to Girls' Camp.

But today was different. One of the leaders talked about how the theme this year was something about "happily ever after," and that the speakers and activities all had to do with princesses and fairy tales. In this leader's mind, this was a fabulous thing because it took the Gospel and its principles and brought them "down" to the girls' level - that low plateau of mental function where even teenage girls can grasp the basics of a concept, so long as it's presented simply enough.

Right.

I hear people talk about bringing the Gospel down to kids' levels all the time, but this leader really emphasized and extended the word "down." Then she continued on this concept. I don't know how anyone else felt, but if I had been a young woman listening to that, I probably would have been a bit offended. These aren't toddlers we're talking about. These are mid to late teens. Some of them are out of high school.

It seems to me that this is the age where we ought to start feeding them more meaty things. We ought to start trusting their intelligence and expanding their knowledge, not reducing infinitely complex principles to a paste, freezing it, and serving as a fruit smoothie. These girls are past the age where the Disney-approved version of the Gospel is meaningful or appropriate for them.

We are blessed with a gospel that can be comprehended by any child, but is also so richly textured that we can't possibly grasp all of its depth within the brief period of a mortal life. It comes down to us distilled, but even the distillations are in some ways beyond our reach. When kids at this age act out and reject the things we've taught them, it is more likely to be a result not of giving them too much to think about, but of not giving them enough. Teens are faced with the same complex issues as adults, and they're learning to parse those issues like adults. Their brains are becoming capable of understanding things at multiple levels. Indeed, they're expected to understand things more deeply in school and family life. They are supposed to be capable of earning trust, and should be given opportunities to do so.

So why are we still reducing things to princess level? This leader claimed that among the "new" ideas presented to these Young Women was that stories can actually mean something. What!?! You're kidding, right?! A fairy tale has a purpose beyond making me aspire to be some beautiful creature wrapped in pink ribbons? A story can have *gasp* morals? But only one, right? No more than one moral per story? And no meanings aside from morals, either? OK, I think I can handle that.

Seriously.

Is this the way YW leaders throughout the Church look at their charges? As little girls who just need a simpler version of things in order to make the right decision? Just a catchier nursery rhyme? If so, it's no wonder immorality is spreading among LDS youth.

Youth leaders of the Church, hear this: teens need a Gospel that is as complex as the world they face when they're not at church. They need to know that there are answers beyond the ones they memorized in Primary. They don't need to be taken back to Primary. They need the tools to successfully navigate the difficult challenges they encounter daily - tools that are nuanced enough for their personal experiences. They don't need blander milk. Meat is what they're getting from every other source: tasty, varied, enticing, stimulating, challenging meat. Also, some rancid meat. Make sure they get the good stuff too. Respect their intelligence. Use yours. Don't make them feel like you're condescending to their level from on high. These are some of the choicest of the choice. They're meant to make a difference while they're young. Realize that. Act accordingly. Give them meat.

If you don't they will leave.

There Is No Try

I was reading Matthew 25 today: the part where the Lord talks about separating the sheep from the goats at his second coming. What were the criteria by which he did this? Well, there was only one. It was how well they had treated each other.

That's right. One thing only. The sheep (true disciples of Christ) were the people who ministered to everyone, no matter how well they knew them or what their station was. It's not that they were smart, or orthodox, or wealthy, or married, or grown up, or successful, or well known, or nice, or educated, or baptized, or anything else. It was that they helped others. They met needs wherever they saw them, as often as they were able.

The others - the goats - didn't.